What I’m Thinking: A Good Example of a Bad Thing

I recently spoke for 2.5 hours nonstop to 85 nonprofit staffers on the topic of “Five Ideas that Can Revolutionize Your Work.” 

The presentation – an original one and given at no charge—took me the better part of two months to prepare. Writing took me away from the office for parts of several days. I rehearsed twice in front of my own staff. I anticipated questions and developed answers. I tell you, a lot went into this thing.

I  now believe that giving and receiving are two halves of a single act. They’re the yin and yang of relationship.

 Predictably, for me, I was a nervous wreck when I stepped before the packed room and fired up the projector. The second I ended, the host appeared at the back of the room and said, simply enough, “Thanks, Steve.”

 An hour earlier, I had spoken for 10 minutes to this audience about the power that arises from being a “grateful receiver,” an idea refined in many conversations with my close friend, Jana Mullins, creator of the book Open Hands, Open Hearts.

 “My upbringing has taught me that it is more important to give than to receive,” I had explained to my room full of nonprofit workers. “I’ve learned to question that teaching. And, after a lot of thought, I  now contend that giving and receiving are two halves of a single act. They’re the yin and yang of relationship. Each part has special power and importance. Neither is better than the other. I urge you to consider this proposition in relationships with your volunteers and donors.”

We all know great receivers. They’re the people to whom we love to give. They respond with such comments as, “This is the greatest!” or “I can’t wait to wear this!’ or “You give the best gifts of anyone!” or “How did you know I needed this?” And when we walk away, we feel wonderful, not only about them, but about ourselves. They add the yang to our yin. And we have a strong yen to give them gifts again.

 I wish I had left that room feeling valued and wanting to do it all again. But I didn’t.  

 At the close of my 2.5-hour lecture, I really yearned for my contribution to be acknowledged as special and valuable. I wanted to  leave that room wanting to do it all again. But I didn’t.

If we act this way with the people who create the oxygen that keeps our nonprofits (or for-profit businesses, such as Edge) alive, we’re probably doomed. Let’s try to delight everyone who contributes to our mission. That’s what I’m thinking.